Possible Side Effect: A Broken Heart
by SuperBear
Summary: A "Twilight Zone"-ish story in which Bernadette creates a pill that makes an old woman young again, making her a possible girlfriend for Raj. Raj and Margaret already have a lot in common: they love talking about comic books and "The Twilight Zone." They don't even notice the man who looks like Rod Serling.


"Hello, Rajesh."

"Oh, hello." Raj Koothrappali was still not used to riding the bus. But he was sure he didn't wan to talk to the white-haired woman who had just boarded.

Just yesterday she talked his ear off, even though he showed absolutely no interest in what she had to say. When she introduced herself as Margaret, Raj simply muttered his own name as he quickly deboarded at his stop.

Now he wondered: Was there a way to get her to stop talking without being rude?

With a gloved hand, Margaret pointed.

"I see you're reading a Spider-Man comic book."

"Oh, yes," he said absently.

She sat next to him. "You know, I met Stan Lee once."

Just like that, Raj lit up. "No kidding! So did I!"

Margaret nodded as she adjusted her hands over her purse. "It was back when he was just starting out. Making Spider-Man, the Fantastic Four, Thor, the Avengers, all of those. It was while I lived in New York."

"That is so cool," Raj said with a big smile.

The white-haired Margaret stooped slightly as she spoke, and her voice was a little creaky. "When I worked as a nurse in New York, I read all his comics." She grinned, spreading wrinkles over her face. "I suppose that must seem odd: an intelligent woman working in medicine and reading comic books."

"No, no, I understand," Raj reassired her. "My friends and I are all accomplished scientists, and we love comic books."

"Well, good," Margaret said. "I'm glad you don't find it too unusual or odd." 

"Well," Raj said, "if you got to know me, you'd find I'm very odd."

"Fine then," she laughed. "Tell me all about you, Rajesh."

Raj closed his comic book. "First, tell me about you."

A grinning Margaret shrugged. "Not much to tell. I never married, never had children. Ironically, I developed a condition where I had to leave the cold of New York."

"And now you're in Pasadena."

"Yep. I left the Macy's Parade for the Rose Parade."

"That is so cool."

"What about you, Rajesh? What's your story?"

"Well, believe it or not, I used to have difficulty talking to women."

Margaret laughed. "I would say you're past that. Very much!"

As they continued to talk, Raj had a change of heart about this woman. A big change of heart.

The bus stopped, the doors opened, and a man in a suit stepped out. He looked like Rod Serling, and he even talked like Rod Serling as he addressed an unseen person.

"Good evening," "Rod" said even though it was morning. "Submitted for your approval: one Raj Koothrappali. A lonely astrophysicist who hangs out with a comic book shop owner named Stuart. Mister Koothrappali has wished at times Start could be a woman. Now he has a different wish, a wish that an old woman could become young again."

Here, a grinning "Rod" held up a small brown ball. "Thanks to the magic of pharmaceuticals, Mister Koothrappali is about to get his wish. Because this bus has a very unusual stop. Its next stop is ' The Twilight Zone.'"

As dramatic music played, the scene faded to Raj having dinner with his friends Howard and Bernadette Wolowitz.

"It's funny," Raj said. "At first, I wanted nothing to do with this old woman. But now I find Margaret very interesting, fun even. We talk about comic books and T-V shows. It's great!"

"Car's still in the shop, huh?" Howard said.

Because of the unusual hours Howard worked, he was unable to give Raj regular rides to and from work. Truth be told, Raj didn't really like riding on the back of his scooter.

"Yes, it'll be in the shop a while," Raj said. "But that's okay. I really like talking to Margaret."

"Oh," Bernadette said. "So now she's Margaret. Not that annoying old woman on the bus."

Raj made a face. "I kind of wish she could be younger."

"Kind of like when you wished Stuart could be a woman," Howard remarked drily.

"At least it's not my husband," Bernadette mumbled as she took the dishes away. She still recalled the time she found Raj and Howard with their shirts lifted feeling each other's chests. Fortunately, it was only because Howard was concerned his exposure to an estrogent cream might be turning his chest into that of a woman.

Briefly, Raj considered the Stuart/Margaret matter. "Margaret has a definite advantage," he said as he nodded his head. "She's already a woman."

"Good point," Howard said.

Raj had remained good friends with both Howard and Benadette, even though Raj once had a crush on "Bernie" (as Howard called her). It said something about how special Bernadette was that she continued to help and support Raj as he looked for a girlfriend, even after she became aware of the crush.

"You know," Raj said, "sometimes when I ride the bus I can't help but think of the movie 'Speed.' Although I wouldn't mind if Sandra Bullock was riding the bus. Or even driving it. That woman can do no wrong."

After a brief dreamy look, Raj slipped into information-narrator mode. "Did you know Sandra Bullock went to Washington-Lee High School in Arlington, Virginia where she was a cheerleader and voted 'Most Likely To Brighten Up Your Day?' She speaks fluent German, she likes gummi bears. She has a granfather who's a rocket scientist. Oh, and she's also allergic to horses."

"Guess we won't be seeing her in any Westerns then," Howard said with a light chuckle.

Dropping his information-narrator look, Raj smiled. "You can learn more by going to my website 'Raj-Loves-Sandy-B-dot-net.'"

The next day on the bus, Raj talked enthusiastically with Margaret about a very important subject.

"Do you know what they call it when an airline pilot can no longer see the horizon?" As he leaned in slightly, Raj adopted a mysterious tone of voice. "The twilight zone."

Margaret laughed and clapped her hands. " I never knew that! In all the years I've been watching the show I never heard of that."

"I got it from 'Mental Floss' magazine," Raj said proudly.

"I've never heard of that either," Margaret said. "But I did watch 'The Twilight Zone' when it first came out."

Raj got his Very Serious Look, the kind he normally only wore when discussing Marvel superheroes and their medical exams. "You know, there's some things about 'The Twilight Zone' I don't understand."

"Like what, dear?"

"Well, for one thing, I've never understood the episode 'Time Enough At Last.' Burgess Meredith just wants to read, and everyone criticizes him. His boss. His wife. Then when he finally has a chance to read, he can't because he breaks his glasses."

Lifting his shoulders, Raj spread out his hands. "What's up with that? Did Burgess Meredith do something wrong so that he has to be punished? Is that Rod Serling's idea of poetic justice? What about the boss and the wife? Why can't something happen to them?"

"Something did." Now Margaret leaned in as she whispered. "They died. Along with everyone else."

"There is that," Raj conceded as his hands dropped. "But still, what's the point of the episode?"

With a little laugh, Margaret gave Raj a light pat on the knee. "I think the point is tragic irony, my dear Rajesh."

"You can call me Raj."

"Very well. Then you may call me Peg."

"Okay... Peg," Raj said. He then put on his Very Serious Face. "As for your tragic irony thing, we'll go with that for now. But another thing I never understood is when Rod Serling appears. He'll be standing there in someone's office or someone's living room, and they don't even notice him."

Margaet gave a light chuckle. "I think that's simply how it works between characters and the narrator, my dear Raj. It's simply one of the conventions of the show."

Raj responded with a sly smile. "You know what I think would make a cool episode of 'The Twilight Zone?'"

"Tell me," Margaret said as she moved her knees toward him.

"What if while Rod Serling is introducing the episode, he's actually seen by the characters in the episode? And they start saying things like 'Hey, who are you? What are you doing here?'"

"Oh, my!" Margaret held gloved hands to pink lips as she laughed.

"And not only that but Rod Serling actually gets trapped inside the episode and has to find his way out."

Margaret clapped her hands. "That sounds delightful, Raj."

As Raj briefly studied her, he made a face. "Have you been dying your hair? I see a little red."

"Why, no. No dye. Although I am a natural redhead. Always have been." Margaret brushed some white hair with her hand. "You know, when I was younger I read Millie the Model comics."

"Oh, don't even get me started on alliteration in the names of Stan Lee's characters." Lifting eyes to the ceiling, Raj threw up his hands. "Peter Parker, Bruce Banner, Reed Richards..."

Waving a finger, Margaret gently teased him. "Now be careful, Raj. That's how you ended up with that very impersonal autograph from Stan Lee."

Raj pulled the cord, signaling for his stop. As he prepared to leave, Raj gave Margaret a little wave. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Once at work, Raj found an urgent phone message from Bernadette.

"Hey, Bernadette, what's up?"

Raj's casual tone was in contrast to Bernadette's almost shrill voice.

"Raj, did you take a bag of what looked like chocolates?"

"Yeah. I gave them to Margaret. Why?"

"You didn't!"

"It's okay. We give each other food all the time."

"Raj, those weren't chocolates. That was a pill I was working on to restore youth!"

Raj shrugged. "Margaret said that after she ate them she never felt better. She seems fine, if that's what you're worried about."

Despite Raj's calm tone, Bernadette sounded even more frantic. "I spilled a bunch of chemicals that got absorbed by the chocolate covering the pills. I couldn't be sure what would happen if someone took them."

"Like I said, she's fine."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, she seems perfectly fine." Raj shrugged. "She only looks a little younger, though."

"If things change, let me know."

"Yeah, sure," Raj said. "Unfortunately, I don't have Margaret's phone number. But if she has any problems on the bus, I'll call someone right away."

Almost instantly, Bernadette sounded more chipper. "And if she dies, she was already old anyway. But happy thoughts."

As he hung up, Raj couldn't help thinking that his friends were a little casual about the well-being of others.

The next day, an attractive young redhead boarded the bus at Margaret's usual stop. As she walked down the center aisle, she wore all the things Margaret normally wore: the gloves, a long pink dress and the hat with the flower. .

The people on the bus all applauded. But that was only in Raj's imagination. Raj was, after all, someone who once imagined a Bollywood dance sequence with Bernadette.

As Raj simply gaped, the young redhead sat next to him. "Hello, Raj." It was Margaret's voice, but without the creakiness.

It took Raj a moment to recover.

"Margaret?" He shook his head. "I mean, Peg."

The blue eyes twinkled as the red lips formed a grin. "We meet again."

"Yes, we do." For a while, Raj just sat there with his mouth open.

"Need me to close that up for you?" she asked with a chuckle.

"That might help."

Margaret gave him a very serious look. "Do you suppose if you wish hard enough for something it can actually happen?"

"Either that or very powerful drugs."

Margaret's lyrical laugh was enchanting.

"Oh, my dear Raj, you're so funny!"

"And you're so...young."

She looked off at the scenery. "When I woke up, I realized I didn't need my glasses any more."

"Kind of like in 'Spider-Man' then." Raj pulled out his phone. "You know, when Peter Parker first wakes up after he's been bitten by the spider."

"And he has all those muscles?"

"Yes, right. But one of the first things he does is get rid of his glasses. Here, we can watch it on my phone. And then afterwards I'll show you an app where you can communicate through sound effects."

The young-looking Margaret shook her head a little. "I'm not familiar with apps. I also remember when phones were in homes, and all they did was let you call people. It wasn't like you could watch Super-Eight movies with them."

"Well, now we can watch 'Spider-Man' on my smart phone," Raj said with a grin. "I like the part where Aunt May says, 'You're acting so strangely, Peter.' And Peter says, 'Okay, thanks.'"

Later an excited Raj shared the news with Bernadette.

"That's great, Raj," Bernadette said. "The problem is, once the pills run out, Margaret will go back to the way she was. And since I don't know what got mixed in with the chocolate, I can't duplicate the results."

"It doesn't matter," Raj said with his most sincere look. "Whether she's old or young, I think Margaret is the woman for me."

The next day, Raj sat on the bus with a bunch of flowers. When the young redhead boarded the bus with a tall white-haired gentleman, a few passengers looked up from their books, magazines, newspapers, puzzles and phones.

"Hello, Raj," Margaret said. She sounded almost apologetic. "This is Harold."

"Oh," Raj said. He rose uncertainly, shook hands, sat back down. "How do you do, sir?"

"Raj," Harold said cordially. "Peg has told me a great deal about you. Good to meet you, son!" The tall man offered a pat on the back with his ongoing hearty handshake.

They all sat down. Margaret and Harold sat together in a seat across from Raj. There, Margaret leaned over the aisle to talk to him.

"After today, I won't be riding the bus," she said. "Harold will be driving me around."

"Oh," Raj said. "Well, I won't be riding the bus either. My car's ready to be picked up tomorrow."

"That's very good to hear." Once again, Margaret sounded apologetic, and she looked very sad. "You and I live in different worlds, Raj. You have your apps and your movies on phones. I live a very simple life." She placed a hand on the arm of the man next to her. "So does Harold."

"I understand," Raj said quietly as he bowed his head. He held out the flowers to Harold. "Why don't you give these to her then?"

With a cordial nod, Harold accepted. "That's very gentlemanly of you, Raj."

"You're a very lucky man, sir."

"Don't I know it!" he chuckled.

Margaret's eyes shone as she smiled. "Harold's very excited about dating a younger woman."

Harold clicked his tongue. "I think I'd like Peg whether she was young or old."

Raj rang for his stop. "I know exactly what you mean."

Margaret waved with a gloved hand. "It was very nice meeting you, Raj."

"Nice meeting you, too," Raj said as he quickly deboarded.

A dejected Raj sat in the apartment of Howard and Bernadette.

"I'm so sorry, Raj."

"Sorry, buddy."

"Raj, you must know you're a wonderful man."

Raj looked tearful. "I've had some terrible things happen to me. But this makes me just want to completely give up on ever finding someone."

"I might be able to help with that," Howard said quietly. "When I was learning magic, I also learned hypnotism. I can make it so you forget." He offered a twitching uncertain smile. "It won't exactly be like Mister Spock erasing Captain Kirk's memory. For one thing, I don't have pointed ears."

"Do it," Raj said.

Later as the three ate dinner, Raj grinned as he mused aloud.

"I'm glad I don't have to ride the bus anymore. Some of the people were very weird."

"Weirder than Sheldon?" Howard asked.

"In a different way, of course." As he chewed, Raj continued to grin and muse. "I'm still hopeful about finding a girlfriend. I think I'd like someone who works in the medical field and has red hair. As long as she's not, you know, weird. Or into anything weird."

"You'll find her," Bernadette said softly.

In another part of the city, a man who looked like Rod Serling rode a bus. Once again, he turned to address an unseen person.

"Raj Koothrappali. A lonely astrophysicist looking for love. But he won't find it in a pill. He'll have to find it instead outside 'The Twilight Zone.'"

Somewhere else in the city, a red-haired dermatologist named Emily wondered if, at some point, she should look into online dating.


End file.
